My child is an absolute angel. An angel who sometimes throws a tantrum to assert his increasing independence; an angel who will always try (and often succeed) to logically talk me out of whatever it is I'm asking him to do; an angel who while testing the limits of boundaries, never infringes upon the limits of my love for him. I know although my son is my favorite angel, that I am not alone and that other moms have their angels as well.
My son and I spent the afternoon relaxing on Kettle Cove State Park's beach, redirecting the meandering river heading down to the beach, predicting how far the waves would crash up on the rocks, and trying to figure out why the cormorants spread their wings in the sun to dry and the gulls didn't. We collected periwinkle shells, rocks, seaweed, and even teeth that had washed in with the tide and sorted them according to colors, textures, and size. We then used these treasures and some leaves we had collected to make different shapes and funny stick people in the sand. All in all it was a perfect Fall morning.
My son stumbled upon a friend on the beach who was there with his mom and his two younger siblings. While the boys were playing, the mom and I traded the morning's stories. It was clear from her red eyes that she had been crying. As it turns out, she had attempted to take all three of the kids (all under the age of 5) to a restaurant for lunch. Two of the three started crying before the food came and the other decided that staying in his seat was a less entertaining option than running around. She told me how she was so embarrassed, how everyone was staring at her, and how none of the other moms offered to give her a hand as she was trying to get all three kids safely out of the restaurant before losing her cool altogether and bursting into tears. "Sometimes I think I'm the only one who has kids that act like this. Everyone just kept staring at me." I glanced out at her three children who were now happily playing, digging for treasures, and smiling from ear to ear. They were beautiful little children who were happily engaged in learning and exploring. I reminded her that all of our little angels have their moments and told her that I admired her for being brave enough to attempt a restaurant alone with three kids under the age of 5. Haven't we all had days like this when we felt like we weren't doing this parenting thing right? Where, for even the briefest moment, we let the frustrating behaviors cast a shadow on how wonderfully genuine and beautiful our children are?
On my drive home, I couldn't stop thinking about this mom and how alone she felt. All of us moms want what is best for our children and I would guess that most of us slightly take it to heart when they are not behaving their best. On top of this, to feel like the whole world is looking at you and judging your parenting skills during one of your angel's "moments", when you are already feeling awful and trying to best help your child, just seems unfair.
One of the best pieces of parenting advice I've ever received is to block out anyone else but your child and meeting his needs when he is in a meltdown. Help him feel safe and calm so that he can get to a place where he can express himself using words. With this in mind, I've tried to give space to children who were having meltdowns so that their parents could help support the child the way they know best. I've always tried to offer a "I know what you're going through" smile and have never judged because I have been there, done that. Would this woman today have misconstrued my "giving her space" as me not being supportive? We all have different comfort levels and feelings centered around helping with other people's children and I acknowledge that. Where are your thoughts on this? What would you do in this situation? What would you want people to do for you?
Being a mom is one of the most challenging and wonderful blessings in this world. Every day I feel privileged to be Dylan's mom and to be his first teacher in this world. Let's help each other cherish and relish in the up's, while supporting each other through the down's. My belief is that raising children with large, understanding, and open hearts first begins by modeling the traits of empathy, compassion, and kindness. They are watching us, perhaps more closely even than we are watching them.
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